So in the last couple of weeks I had this massive realisation.
For the last couple of years or so I had this goal in my head. This goal that seemed so “sensible”, like the logical next step.
It was a proper goal and ticked all the right boxes.
You might have heard of the acronym SMART when it comes to goal setting.
SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic or relatable and timely.
My goal - I can tell you it was a monetary one - ticked all those boxes.
It was clearly specified, it was easily measurable, it was achievable and actionable, it was relatable and realistic and it was timely.
Ok, I admit the timing might have been a bit off, I was hesitant to really put a time limit on it.
Besides that it was a SMART goal, it appeared to be the goal that everyone was striving for, so clearly as I wanted to be a part of this “gang” I was meant to be striving for the same thing, right?
It felt if I would strive for a “higher” goal, I wouldn’t be able to tick the box for “achievable” anymore. It would become too much of a dream rather than a goal - and seriously heaven forbid I’d actually put myselves out of my comfort zone and into dreaming space.
What would happen if I’d actually put something out there that is absolutely outrageous and audacious.
So I stopped myself, I stopped myself from dreaming, from daring myself, from believing in myself.
But the thing was, I didn’t take action on that goal that I had set myself.
I didn’t work for it.
Yes, I worked and worked and worked, but I didn’t work for the goal.
I used excuses and excuses and excuses. Seriously I took anything that came my way as an excuse. When I’d run out of excuses I self sabotaged myself, I got sick - for a long time I had basically a chronic case of strep throat - I started other ventures, I put my relationships in trouble, heck in the end I even became pregnant out of fear that I’d have to actually go for my goals (and dreams).
Lately, I again ran out of excuses and I was tired of actually self sabotaging myself.
Did I want this stupid goal or didn’t I?
What the heck is actually wrong with me? Why can I not just take the action.
Then you know what happened?
I realised something.
Although I was so so so so far away from this set goal, ever achieving it seemed light years away. It did seem none achievable (although when looking purely at the figures it was very achievable).
But at the same time, I knew, it wasn’t “big” ENOUGH!
I finally was able to admit that to myself.
I knew that achieving that goal, wouldn’t actually get me a lot closer to my overall dream / goal / life I want to live. It would feel like a “drip on a hot stone” (maybe that’s just one of my weird German proverbs but let’s roll with it, I’m sure you get what I mean).
So my motivation to achieve this particular goal was nil. I wasn’t motivated to achieve the goal as it felt it wouldn’t make a difference. As even if I would achieve it (remember this goal that still seemed so far away) it wouldn’t make a difference. The work I’d have to put into it, the hurdles I’d have to overcome for it, it all wouldn’t be worth it. It wouldn’t make a difference. It wouldn’t be enough.
Then something shifted.
I was driving in my car and listen to this audiobook and the author was talking about money and how much she had made by the time she was a certain age or whatever… and I realised it. It hit me!
It’s actually ok to ask for more, to want more, to strive for more. It’s actually ok for ME to make this kind of money, to feel comfortable making this kind of money, living the life I dare to dream for my kids, my partner and myself.
To make the kind of money that would allow me to give back to others, to my clients, to organisations and causes I want to support, to allow myself to serve my tribe more and better, without “paying for it” out of my own pocket.
It is actually ok! Heck, I even need to strive for more!
I need to strive higher, better, bigger!
Now my goal is audacious.
It’s is even far less achievable and attainable but it’s audacious! It’s actually absolutely ridiculous if you think of it from a realistic and logical point of view but actually, I did the numbers and it’s not going to be that hard after all. I can totally achieve that.
You know what else I got now?
Motivation! I got the mojo back.
I got a goal that I feel aligned with, a goal that is worth for me to work my butt off for. A goal that I’m passionate about as it will make a difference and not just to my life but to my clients’ lives and in the end to the world as it will allow me to make a difference.
So the moral of that story - when you think of the acronym SMART - don’t think achievable - think AUDACIOUS!